SNOWFALL BRINGS OUT THE CRAZIES!!

The snow has finally arrived in the Commonwealth! Less than a week ago we were lamenting the fact that it didn't really feel like Christmas because we hadn't had any snow. That was on Sunday. One day later, on Monday evening, the onslaught of freezing rain, ice and snow began. When I went out to start my car at 3:30 Tuesday morning I was greeted by a three inch blanket of snow. Under the snow was a veneer of ice that had covered everything. The door of my car was frozen shut. After brushing off the snow and chipping away the ice, I finally got in, started the car and turned on the defrosters and the meager heaters. This was going to be a long wait.

I went back into the house to find Lynne awake, bright-eyed, smiling, twirling her key-ring on her finger and offering me the use of her Dodge Nitro for the day. As I reflected not only upon the potentially treacherous road conditions I was about to encounter, but also upon the horde of winter-weather-driving neophytes I would undoubtedly be surrounded by. . . Lynne's offer of the four-wheel drive Nitro was an enticing proposal indeed.

It proved to be a prudent choice. Not only does the Nitro have a remote-start feature, it also has better blowers, defrosters and heaters than my meager mode of vehicular transport. I knew she was gloating. . .somewhat. . . but she was also genuinely concerned for my ability to get to work and back home in one piece. Much of her concern was based upon and stemmed from the knowlege that most drivers in Kentucky are totally, completely and wholly unaccustomed to driving in the snow.

This state just freaks when it snows! They treat freezing rain and an inch or two of snow with a cataclysmically jaundiced eye. . much the same reaction as one would expect to see if Earth was besieged by invaders from another planet or Kentucky was suddenly set upon by a grammatically correct school system. In other words, they struggle to cope. There just isn't that much snow out here. As a result, when they get ANY snow it's like pouring gas onto an anthill (uhm. .yeah. .uh. . not that I've ever done that, mind you).

Schools shut down. Businesses shut down. Commerce grinds to a halt. A few years ago, when I was living in Radcliff, Kentucky, they even closed the POST OFFICE because of freezing rain. (How's that motto go again. . ."neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of ..."?) Yeah, well. Listen people, I'm from Idaho. I am unfazed by waking up in the morning and not being able to find my car because it has snowed 30 inches overnight and then drifted. In my four years at Bonneville High School we missed school four times total because of winter weather. FOUR. Twice for frozen/busted pipes at the school and twice when the coal furnace went out. NEVER for snow. We used to sluff school to go skiing at Kelly Canyon for cripes sake! (Ouch...my apologies to my mom and dad, for introducing them to the wanton world of adolescent misadventures starring their eldest child...and to President Wirkus for skipping Seminary) Ahhh yes. . life in the academic fast lane. Those were the days.

The bottom line is this- people in Kentucky see very little snow compared to what those of us from out West or up North experience. And we who have been raised with snow and winter weather know how to DRIVE in it. In the snow, Kentucky roadways morph into a cross between NASCAR on steroids and the 'Little Old Lady from Pasadena' on Prozac.

In all fairness, there is probably more snow removing equipment and provisions (snowplows, sanding trucks, salt, magnesium chloride, brine solution, etc.) in the city of Idaho Falls and Bonneville county than in all of central Kentucky. Perhaps not, but pretty close.

The interstate had been plowed and sanded by the time I made it out of the carnage of a car-strewn neighborhood and suburban avenues littered with the immobile carcasses of vehicles slid into lawns and garbage cans. Snow was still falling when I made it to work at 4:30. Our parking lot had also been plowed and sanded. I was grateful to have the security of the four-wheel drive if for no other reason than the ability to successfully evade the wide-eyed, white-knuckled Evel Knievel wannabes who were surging down the interstate at a blistering twelve miles per hour. Give me strength.

Needless to say, Hardin County schools were closed all day Tuesday. And even though no more snow fell, the roads were clear (but wet) and the temperature had risen into the mid-forties. . . they kept the schools closed the following day. Come on people!

In the final analysis, we all came through relatively unscathed. I'm not sure Lynne will be as enthused to let me borrow the Dodge in the future. . . too much road-salt and grime had accumulated on it to suit her. . . .rookies!

By the way. . .it is now about one o'clock on Friday afternoon (two days later). The skies are sunny, the last vestiges of snow were swept away by a warm rain yesterday and the temperature in Elizabethtown is 64 degrees with a warm southwesterly breeze. The snowcrazies have returned to their homes, their offices, schools, other safe havens - and yes even the roads - with smiles on their faces and harrowing tales of their exploits in the 'blizzard of '08' cascading excitedly -almost reverently - from their lips.